Part 78: Interview 39 - “Christmas In Wars World"

Interview 39 - “Christmas In Wars World"

Hey, folks. It’s that time of year again, where I need a day off but don’t want to leave you completely without something to enjoy at Christmas, so here: a debatably canon Christmas episode! Long winded explanation: Right, canonically the LPAW2 campaign only lasted about six months and Christmas was very early on, during the Orange Star arc (I wrote a barracks scene about it), so if I’d written about the Christmas parties that happened then, it would have taken place before we met all these characters and thus they wouldn’t have any of their development - Vanessa would still be a bitch, everyone would hate Dimitri, nobody would know who the hell Rose is, etc. Setting it after their campaigns is less canon, but means we can see the characters we know and love as they are now. Hopefully that made sense.

Thanks as always for enjoying Let’s Play Advance Wars, and I hope you all have an excellent Christmas. See you next week with a proper update, hopefully - and the poll is at the bottom of this update. Enjoy!

*

Orange Star

The soldiers of Orange Star have decided to forego the usual Christmas party in the barracks for something a bit classier - Christmas dinner at a fancy restaurant several miles away from the barracks. Nell has bought out the entire lower floor for the soldiers, and they’re all sat around on tables, waiting for their main course to come. At one such table, Dave, Alfonse, Michael, Ingo and Von Panzer are enjoying the Christmas atmosphere.

“Man, that starter almost filled me up already.” Michael sighs, patting his stomach. “Been forever since we ate such good food, huh?”

“Indeed! The food here is wunderbar!” Von Panzer replies.

Ingo nods. “What did you guys order? I’ve gone for the turkey. Gotta have a turkey at Christmas!”

“I’m not really a turkey guy.” Dave answers, shrugging. “I went for the goose.”

“Either works. I couldn’t choose until earlier today.” Alfonse chuckles. “I eventually decided on the turkey, though. Say, Michael, I thought you were a vegetarian?”

Michael pulls a face, and swirls his wine around his glass. “Everyone always assumes that. I guess it comes with being albino, and effeminate… but no, I’m not. I love meat just like the rest of you. Especially turkey, heavens. I hope it comes soon!”

“Yeah, yeah, turkey’s great.” Dave says. “You know, I didn’t know this for a while, but Fleur’s on a vegetarian diet, ‘pparently.”

“Fleur? Must be how she stays in such good shape.” muses Ingo. His gaze slides over the various tables to alight on one on the other side of the room, where many of the army’s most popular girls have got themselves a table.

“Hm!” Von Panzer says. “It’s a surprise to see you separate from the young Fräulein Lucy!”

“That’s true. Did you not get to choose the seats?” Michael asks.

“Oh, well,” Ingo says, shrugging. “We talked about it, and I don’t want us to be joined at the hip all the time, you know? She’s got her girls, I’ve got you boys, and I think it’s important to spend time with friends as well as loved ones.”

“Sounds good to me, kid.” Dave replies, nodding. “Besides, give it a couple hours and I’m sure the party will move back to the barracks for some dancin’. Then you can spend time with your gal.”

“You two really are the cutest couple.” Michael says, grinning. “But that’s neither here nor there. Hey, Dave, I’ve been meaning to ask about you and Rin…”

“Aw, hell, I knew this was going to come up. I’m four years older than her. We’re just pals; she’s like my kid sister.”

Alfonse nods. “That’s how I’ve always seen it. You two are a rare pair, though. Of all the people I expected to pierce your grumpy exterior…”

“I don’t have a grumpy exterior!” protests Dave, and the assorted lads laugh at his indignant expression. Von Panzer sips his wine, shaking his head at the antics of the table.


“Dear me… let’s hope the food gets here soon to quieten you all down.”

*

At the girls’ table, Lucy, Selena, Fleur, Fliss and Rin are relaxing as they talk about anything and everything, waiting for their main course to arrive.

“I’m just saying, I’m really excited about all my presents!” Lucy says, beaming. “Are you not excited, Selena?”

“Well, Lucy… I’m a little older than you. We don’t really get as many presents. My family haven’t been in touch in a very long time.”

Lucy’s face falls, but Fleur leans over and puts a matronly hand on her shoulder.

“Come now, mon cherie, don’t look so morose! We will still enjoy all of the presents we open on Christmas Day. I hope you like my present. It took me a long time to pick it out!”

“I’ve done all my Christmas shopping already!” Rin replies, punching the air. “It’s nithe to be ahead for once, you know?”

“I wish that was me.” murmurs Selena. “I, um, still have a few to buy. But don’t worry, girls, I’ll pick some extra-nice things, don’t worry.”

“I’m excited to see what I’ve got…” murmurs Fliss, giving the group a soft smile. “Though I’m also excited for you to receive your presents.”

“I prefer that part of Christmas.” Selena replies, nodding. “Giving presents is nicer than receiving them… though sometimes you receive a gift so special, you cannot help but cherish it forever.”

“Do you have a gift like that, Selena?” Rin asks.

Selena falls quiet, and eventually shakes her head.

“No. But I imagine…” Selena says, then she stops herself. “No, sorry. Not worth mentioning. More importantly, when is this food going to arrive?”

“Oh, come on, we’ve got plenty to do whilst we’re waiting!” announces Lucy, holding out a silver-coloured Christmas cracker. Selena looks up at it, and gives Lucy a little smile, taking hold of the other end.

“Alright. Let’s do some crackers whilst we wait, shall we?”

*

Blue Moon

The fog rolls around the arena, with black walls rising high, each adorned with random displays of lights and colours, disappearing into the gloom. The sounds of footsteps and blasts can be heard up ahead, when suddenly, Dimitri and Zlata, wearing cuirasses of white and holding strange-looking guns, come bounding in and lean against a wall to peer around the corner.

“Who’s goddamned idea was it to invite a bunch of trained soldiers to laser tag?” Dimitri says, ducking back as shafts of light pierce through the fog from enemies unknown. Zlata laughs.

“Aw, c’mon, we’re having a great time! Plus, we’ll win if we can nail the blue team a couple more times. I think Eva and Alina went that way!”

“Oh, god, alright.” Dimitri replies, chuckling. “Let’s get movin’!”

The pair dash off into the fog, and following the sound of their footsteps, Yakov and Inessa, the twins, come into view. Yakov glares around, but his sister points in the direction of laser fire up ahead.

“That must be our opponents on the red team. Come on, let’s take them out!” Inessa says.

“Is that Inessa I hear?” says a voice behind the pair, and they turn to see Ludmilla sauntering up to them. She nods brazenly, winking at Yakov, who blushes and stares at the floor.

“Ludmilla! We’re going to flank the red team - Dimitri and the others just went up here, and I think they’re going into the middle sector. If we get them from behind, we’ll win for certain. We’re already ahead on score, I believe!”

“That sounds good! Oh, gosh, this is going to be so exciting!” Ludmilla replies. “I tell you, it’s nice to actually be part of the gunplay instead of just ferrying people around. Though… I prefer it being low-stakes.”

“It is much more fun when it’s low-stakes.” Inessa says, beaming. “Come, then! Let’s see if we can’t pull off a flawless blue team victory!”

*

An exhausted group of soldiers sit around at the islands in the centre of the mall, their laser tag experience having come to a close with a neck-and-neck race that was eventually won by the red team. As they share a selection of huge pizzas, watching the world go by, they can’t help but feel exhilarated at the evening’s events.

Fenya daintily nibbles at a slice of sweetcorn and pepper pizza, eyeing the soldiers sat around on the other side of the island, talking with her brother, Felix. Valeria leans over and puts a friendly hand on her shoulder.

“Still worrying about him?”

“Oh, I always am.” murmurs Fenya. She turns to Valeria and offers her another slice of the pizza, and Valeria shakes her head.

“I’m way past full - besides, I’m more of a meat feast girl.”

“That’s fair.” Fenya replies. “But yes, I really ought to stop hovering around him. He’s making his own friends… perhaps I ought to do the same.”

“Yeah, you should! Alina and Eva are having a little romantic thingy over there, but hey, how about we go over and annoy them?”

“Alright, if they won’t mind…” Fenya starts, but before she can finish her sentence, Valeria waves at the pair and holds up a slice of pizza. The girls laugh and nod, beckoning her over, and she goes, followed by a nervous Fenya.

“Hey, gals! How was the laser tag for you?” says Valeria.

Alina gives a sheepish grin, but Eva confidently gestures to her girlfriend. “I’ll level with you, we may have lost on behalf of the blue team, because we spent a not insignificant amount of time hanging around the middle making out.”

“Oh, god dammit.” Valeria sighs. “Well, I’m glad you’re both enjoying yourselves in your own way.”

“You know how competitive the boys are, though. Dimi’s Mercs were so thrilled by winning that they ended up paying for all this pizza, you know.” Eva says slyly.

“They did?” asks Fenya.

“Oh yeah. See, I’m playing the long game. Red wins, everyone has a good evening, you see?”

“Nice job, Eva. I have to admit…” murmurs Valeria, looking around at the Blue Moon soldiers enjoying themselves. “This is a good evening. And we certainly deserve one of those.”

“We do.” replies Alina, who jumps up. “Come on, then! Let’s stop hanging out over here and go chat with the others!”

“Alright, alright.” Fenya replies, and the other girls voice their assent. “Let’s do it.”

*

Yellow Comet

In the barracks of Yellow Comet, a Christmas party is being staged, and by the noise of the chatter, music occasionally breaking through the talking, it is clear that almost everyone is enjoying the chance to let loose. In some cases, the fact that the bar is half price has probably loosened a few people up.

However, some invites have been rather surreptitiously labelled ‘the Real party’, and those who received these altered invites now find themselves in a beautifully laid-out parlour, complete with doilies and soft furnishings, as well as a few dolls strewn about the place - the perfect location for a tea party. The group includes Vanessa, Andromeda, Khepri, Peregrine, Minerva and Sonja.

“Thank you all for coming.” says the little girl already sat at the table, watching them. She gives them a faint smile.

“Rose Kuroda.” says Peregrine, giving her a grin. “I knew when I saw the invites for a tea party, it had to be you! Shall we, gals? Seems like there’s a seat for everyone!”

The girls soon take their seats and begin pouring the tea. Rose has also purchased various baked goods, including some delicious-looking tarts, mince pies and a festive Yule log.

“This… this is delightful.” Minerva says, sipping her tea. “I’m so grateful for your invite, Rose.”

“Think nothing of it. You all deserved a treat, and, well, you’re all dear friends of mine. I wanted to thank you for all the support and respect you have given me over the last few months - and none of this leaves this room, you hear?”

“Oh, loud and clear.” Vanessa replies. “Arqa would have a fit of jealous rage if she found out she hadn’t been invited.”

“This ginseng tea is amazing.” Sonja remarks, staring down at the mug as if hoping to discern its secrets visually.

“I’m pleased you think so.” Rose replies. “It’s my favourite brand. Have you tried the green tea?”

“Oh, no, please pour me some. I’d love to try more of this brand.”

“It… it’s quite, rich, expensive, isn’t it?” Andromeda murmurs, and Rose nods.

“Unfortunately so, but the compensation of an ACO is… adequate, let’s say. Adequate enough to treat you all on this special Christmas night.” she replies, gesturing. “So, please, drink as much as you like.”

The conversation soon turns to various other topics, as the girls find that there is plenty to be discussed over a steaming mug of delicious tea.

“I’m really looking forward to getting promoted!” Vanessa says, grinning at Sonja, who nods back at her.

“It’s been long-deserved.” she replies. “Khepri, I noticed that you haven’t expressed much interest in promotion, even though you’ve proven to be quite talented on the battlefield.”

Khepri shrugs. “I like what I do already! I get in there and make important contributions!”

“Same here!” Peregrine replies. “In the sky is where I belong - me and Khepri have already found our place. Why would we need to look for anything else?”

Sonja chuckles. “Well, I can’t say fairer than that. Tell me, Rose, are you looking to go even higher?”

All eyes on the table turn to Rose - the idea that she might desire to ascend even further up the ladder is a strange one, and yet everyone there can imagine it.

“I could become a CO. However, I feel I need more experience. As such, if I were to do something like that, it would be when I am a little older. Say, fifteen, sixteen.”

“I see.” Sonja replies.

“That’s fair. You’ve got plenty of time to hone your skills before then.” Vanessa replies. “Not that you need to, but hey…”

“I would, um… like, love, to be a part of it.” Andromeda says, sipping from her mug as she talks. “This army, and… you all, you people, girls, have shown me much joy, kindness. I do not know, understand, how this army works, but if I could contribute more, then…”

“Andromeda, I would love for you to contribute more.” Rose says, smiling at her friend warmly. Her eyes glitter with genuine admiration. “If you wish to rise up the ranks, then keep working at it. We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Absolutely. Every girl of Yellow Comet, from the soldiers to the COs, supports one another.” Sonja replies, looking at Vanessa and nodding at her. “That’s my promise to you all.”

“For sure!” Minerva says.

“Hell yeah!” Khepri cheers, almost spilling her tea as she celebrates the declaration. “Andromeda, it’s been super cool meeting you, and I’m so excited to get to know you better!”

“I agree.” Peregrine says. “Andy, you’re excellent, and this weekend, you and I are gonna go on our most exciting flight yet. We’re all here for you!”

Andromeda can’t help but tear up a little bit. “I am… grateful, joyous… my… my… compatriots, companions… friends. My friends.”

*

Green Earth

As per usual, Green Earth have elected to have a small and relatively quiet Christmas party, and the Old Guard, the veterans of the Green Earth Army, are doing their yearly Secret Santa around the biggest table in the barracks’ main room, next to the roaring fire. Wallace, Johanna, Edgar, Lorelei, Abelard and Albert are exchanging their gifts, though there is a healthy amount of whiskey being drunk between the lot of them.

Abelard shakes his present a couple of times, and then opens it up to reveal a rather silly-looking glass with a hole in, labelled ‘Glass To Stop Drinking’. He sighs at Albert.

“This has you written all over it.” he says, shaking his head, and his lifelong rival Albert lets out an uproarious chuckle.

“Perhaps so, but you did say you need to cut down!”

“For heaven’s sake…”

Next up is Johanna, who opens her present to find a rather nice-looking necklace emblazoned with the Green Earth symbol. She widens her eyes.

“I expected something more… gauche.” she murmurs, eyeing the group. “Now who bought this? And why does it look like it cost far more than the agreed limit of 5 funds?”

“Well, whilst you think about that, Wallace is opening his next.” Abelard says, pointing across the table as he takes another swig of his whiskey. “Hm! That’s got quite a kick. Just the thing for a Christmas party.”

Wallace unwraps his gift with unsteady hands, already quite drunk, and laughs as his awful unwrapping is on show to the rest of his compatriots. He falls quiet as the present is opened, however - it’s a portrait of his late son, Roland; hand-drawn. Every eye turns to the only half-decent artist at the table, Lorelei. She winces.

“I didn’t want to make it awkward, I just…” she starts, but Wallace shakes his head.

“He looks wonderful. This is… thank you, Lorelei. Thank you so much…”

“I’m so glad you like it. I wanted to do him justice.”

In a bid to lift the mood, Edgar turns to his present - as the highest-ranking amongst the Old Guard and de facto leader of the bunch, he knows that he almost always gets a ridiculous present, and he makes a theatrical sigh as he begins to tear at his own present’s wrapping paper.

“Let’s see what this is, then…” he grumbles, and soon a box of artisan chocolates tumbles out of the packaging, much to the surprise of the room.

“That had to have been Johanna. Anyone else would have bought something funnier!” Albert says, and Johanna gives a guilty start, breaking her normally-cool facade for a moment.

“I just-” she says, fumbling for the right words. “I… kind of forgot until yesterday, if I’m completely honest…”

“I love praline chocolates.” Edgar says, nodding at her. “Thank you kindly, Johanna. Who hasn’t opened their gifts yet?”

“Just Albert and Lorelei, I think.”

Lorelei turns to her gift. The box is quite small, and a strange shape, and she opens it up to discover a small pot filled with dirt. A quick check of the label in the dirt suggests that the seeds inside will grow up to be a small coriander plant. She beams at it, ever the herbalist.

“Oh, how lovely! Coriander is rich in antioxidants, and it’s really good for lowering your blood sugar. I don’t have any coriander plants at the moment, too. How thoughtful!”

Edgar nods, fully aware that he was the one who bought it, having visited Lorelei’s room the other week to surreptitiously see which herbs she was running low on. “Thoughtful indeed.”

“Alright, Albert, ready?”

“Here we go.” Albert replies, shaking his head. “This is going to be something ridiculous, let’s see here…”

He soon unwraps a custom-made t-shirt with ‘I AM BETTER THAN ABELARD’ on the front, and he holds it up, grinning as the rest of the Old Guard burst out laughing. At their requests, he puts it on, and Abelard sighs as he watches the commotion, letting out a little chuckle.

“Dear me. Well, is that all the presents done?”

“I believe so.” Wallace replies. “Time for more drink?”

“I tell you what, chaps.” Edgar says, yawning. “This fire’s so comfortably warm, I may just end up napping here for a short while.”

“Old man Edgar’s not going to be able to keep up, it seems.” Albert says. “Come on, gents - it’s Christmas, so let’s go get merry!”

The soldiers march off in search of more drink, leaving Edgar and Lorelei to enjoy the warmth of the hearth for a little longer. The rest of the Green Earth troops continue to enjoy the party until the early hours, as Christmas festivities come to a close.

*

The following Google Form contains all the polls about upcoming maps. I would appreciate some comments for those of who fill it in, a bit of reasoning as to why you've chosen certain COs may help others make a more informed vote, and help me when it comes to eventually recording these maps. But hey, for now, enjoy your Christmas, folks. See you next week!